BORN AGAIN THE RESURRECTION 10/31/2011

In death I wrote journals that spoke of goals I wanted to accomplish. I spoke of the promise if given a chance to live. I find this quite humorous. When we humans are faced with travesty we remember our faith. We are saved and sanctified. God’s promise is first and foremost and our prayers become daily rituals that were once gone in the winds. I thought that when faced with death I would cringe with fear. However, when it came time to fight there was a point and time when I embraced it.

These same feelings of inadequacy and anxiety come when I am on the brink of success. I become so fearful of achievement, I let go. I am afraid to fail, I am afraid of the added responsibility, I am afraid to follow through. Hence, the pep talk comes into play. “The Rebirth I like to call it,” I get fired up. I remember the cause, I remember my fight. Thus I am Reborn and ready to fight…

“Around and around I go…, this life of experience. Around in death, in remission, and back to the fight, around and around I go…”

            I was 76 pounds of scar tissue to meat upon my bones. Forgetting the struggle from time to time I got caught in the winds. I was found out cold riddled with signs of my disease. My soul was dying and I had to die in order to be reborn. Grabbing hold to my shoulders I cradled my frail bod and whispered these words, “I want to survive.”

            There was a time when I didn’t want to fight. I didn’t see much reason to deny the inevitable. This is my story, my reason, my life support, my cause. I survived, but many a time I must call to remember why. I get frustrated when things don’t go my way. I get frazzled when the winds pick up and threaten to close my lungs and stifle my breathing.

            I write to remind myself of the fight and uphold my shield for I am at war. I write these words of encouragement, mentoring, and self-reflection as I recover. I also write my words of hurt, pain, and odd feelings as I am reborn. It is a daily fight to remember your struggle. Comfort comes quick. We take advantage of second chances in the blink of an eye.

“Don’t be fooled to think you were saved in vain. If you walk out of a burning fire, you must recollect where the cup of water came from to put you out.”

Author Aija M. Butler

Poem from Spoken Word Album The Butterfly Effect...

I am living,

I am singing,

I am dancing,

I play the piano,

My fingers tap the keys passionately;

I play the guitar,

I am playing to the beat of my own drum

I wrote the music, the lyrics, I run the show,

Seductively my fingers strum the strings of my guitar

My soulful voice hums an echo across a stage of dim lights

I am painting 

I am painting the trees, the skies, and the wind

I am painting my future as my feet sit in wet sands

The colors of each season pass as I grow

Creatively, remarkably, catching the very essence of life

I am living