I’m dying and this time a doctor told me so . I see life a lot differently now. I don’t care for much arguing and if I disagree with the way others are acting and living their lives, I find it hard to comment. It could be at times be that I don’t care. Or is it possible that I feel that it may be best to live for the moment.
I feel like I am on trial. Its as if I witnessed a murder and I needed to come clean or they were going to kill me for it. I was the only witness. I was also the victim. I feel like I am locked in this dream, almost daily when the chest pain or migraines begin. I feel like the only way out is to surrender to my illness. My freedom is being ripped from under me. My dreams that I finally started to complete were stolen. It’s only a matter of time before I am crippled and bedridden.
The worries happen and my cup falls to the floor and breaks. I am past the brink of self destruction these days. I am angry with God even these days. I am sitting now sweating bullets. My stomach is sure to explode. There begins the rocking. I could kill with the cut of my eyes. I am telling myself constantly to calm down.
Everything will be okay. Then reality sits in and I realize that its just the opposite. This is real. A real life tragedy.
The Verdict is in. The jury takes their seats. I stand to face my judge and jury and offer a plea of mercy. “If I could simply retain my sanity in light of your findings. I would like to through my mercy unto the court. For with all that has taken place. I am lost. I am living a nightmare and I can’t seem to get out. The nights and days run together. I am weak and without water. I am falling prey to the ways of this world.
Inching slowly, bending and swaying before passing out on the courts floor, I beg for a new cup and a fresh glass of water. For my soul is thirsty. If I am to be whole again I must be replenished. No matter what I am faced with, there must a light at the end of this tunnel.
Fill my cup so that I may quench this thirst, so that I can at least stand and fight, for as long as the fight is in me.
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