Sample Chapter From My Nemesis, Towards the light

Joy stepped into her bathroom and starred into the dark. Her first thought was to call on God. She wanted him to show himself and explain his actions. She couldn't she how they were justified. She walked slowly to the tubs edge and looked into the deep oval ceramic surface and sat on its edge.
The room seemed to expand as if the walls were no longer there. All she could see was a bright light, that appeared from just beyond the tub. A calming glow that moved her to sway softly, as the luminosity calmed her soul. Tuning into her consciousness she turned on the water to the tub. The golden handles with pearl tips seemed to reflect small sparkles of gold onto the water, as it filled the bathtub. The room was well lit by the golden highlights. Joy watched the waters flow as if hypnotized by the clear crystals falling from its spout.
As the water surfaced towards the tubs edge, she could visibly see the steam hovering over its top. She could feel the soft warmth of the clouded steam, and in it she calmed her weeping heart. She felt a great sense of peace.
Though the chill of the bathroom flowed from her feet against the tile floor, she was warmed by the presence of something or someone. Curious with the urge to feel the closeness of her husbands spirit, she called out to him. Joy prayed that her lack paranormal belief would not hinder her possibility of experience. She quieted her self and looked into the empty space filled with light and steam from her hot bath. In it he stood quietly. She was fearful at first, at this presumed presence of someone that had passed on. She nearly fell from the tub. She would have easily hit her head and knocked unconscious.
Joy held on to her chest frightfully aware of her close walk with death and inhaled slowly. Grabbing on the flesh of her chest she grabbed both the garment of her oversized shirt, and the thin tissue between her breast purposely to test her conscious awareness. Pain was definite and her eyes were focused even in the dark of the night. Slowly releasing her shirt, she placed her hands toward the illuminating light in an attempt to touch just the hem of his garment. Unable to feel the cloth she retreated and shook her head solemnly, then violently, as she realized her disbelief caused her to loose touch.
Just in that moment the peace that had culminated her mind, body, and spirit dissipated. She was tired and worn. Her back slumped over and depression quickly settled. Moving from the tubs edge she turned her back towards the door and the light was gone. She slowly crumbled to the floor and fell into a tantrum of unexplained volatile convulsions, as she cried for mercy and understanding.
“Dear God, Why has Thou Forsaken me. Why must I stay to die alone in the hellish ways of this world.? What am I do to do with this life, now that all that I have loved and cherished has perished?”
“You live..”
Joy peered from between the small cracks in her hands. Slowly she uncovered her face. She could have sworn to have heard Jakes voice, but nothing was there.
“Hello!” she called out. Making sure that her mind was in fact playing tricks on her. She was even fearful that the voice would again answer her. She too thought that she may be loosing her sanity. Things that were happening were not of this world. She couldn't explain her thoughts or actions. Her mind raced and the outbreaks of sudden amnesia puzzled not only her, but her family.
“I'm here,” the voice interrupted.
Joys this time she was afraid to speak aloud. “What do you want?” she asked as if she wanted to know the answer.
“I want you to live,” was his only response.
Joys eyes widened with surprise but the voices request only seemed to add fuel to the fire burning within Joys chest. She was angry. She wanted an explanation.
“What for?” she screamed.
“What for…?” Again she called at the empty space just beyond her tub and demand an answer. “How dare you leave?” she yelled begging for his return.
Still, the water drifted amongst the soft winds, that crept in from the bathroom window. Soft drips of water hit the pool before her, but nothing more. Not even a whisper of apology and farewell came from the golden light, that had lit her bathroom just moments before.
Joys mind seemed to burst her brain was scrambled. She had bits and pieces of reality playing in her mind. She wasn't delusional as she was before. She was psychotic. She screamed at the top of her lungs beckoning Leleil to show her face.
She tore down the towel rack and slammed her fists on the sink, and jolted open the medicine cabinet in search for relief. When she couldn't find the pills she stopped suddenly as if her breakdown were calming and just starred down into the drain of the sink, The small metal circle lit up brightly and reflected a small razor that had fallen from the shelf of the medicine cabinet. In that moment Joy felt relief. She felt as her answer had arrived. That if only she could die, she could live passing on the horrors of this life to be resurrected anew. Born into a new place and time a chance to start over.
Joy slumped over the sinks edge as if her head and shoulders were too heavy to bear. Her thoughts swarmed in circles.
“What are you waiting for? Here is your chance to be one again with your husband children. They have gone to a much better place. You can go along with them.”
“Why are you here? You have done nothing, but make me out to be a bad person. You tiptoe around in your make-up and perfectly curled hair, ordering me around. I have no control over my thoughts and feelings. My husband said otherwise to what you are suggesting.” Joy could feel her hands warming as her hand glided towards the sink. She retrieved the blade from the bottom of the ivory marble and white surface and starred at her reflection. Her skin warmed as if the blood were coming to a boil, and excited to spill from her flesh.
“I dare you to do something for yourself.” I dare you to end these feelings of loneness and pain. So, how long has it been?”

“What do you mean?”
“How long has it been, since you have done something good for yourself, been selfish, spent lavishly on something you didn't necessarily need but desired?”

“I don't know. Why does this even matter? I don't have any desires anymore. The only thing I want is, to find my family. If that isn't up for grabs, then I’d just as well, spend the rest of my days rotting away.”
“It isn't fair you know.”

“What do you mean?”
“You suffering so much. First you get sick at a young age then you miraculously survive only to be hit with another disease, after you start your family and career. I bet if you had spent less time caring for others you would be way ahead of your game. You know its your fault you lost them. You didn't have to send them off. You sure as hell didn't need to borrow money from that scum bag ex-boyfriend of yours. You are no better than a drug addict trading your daughter for money like that.”
“What? how dare you? It wasn't like that at all. I needed the money to find a cure. I wasn't ready to leave my family. I wanted to do whatever, was in my power to beat this disease. I couldn't let my family see me in such a vulnerable state. I needed to know that they were ok. That if my treatment didn't work out they wouldn't become filled with depression and loss of hope. Jake would have been fixated on healing me. I don't expect you to understand. It is obvious that you do not care about anyone.”

“I care about you. I know that you have been stuck in this rut for far to long. I am hear to put a stop to this madness. Your family died Joy. They died tragically in a storm. A tornado touched ground without warning and claimed the lives of over 1500 people. You and those other families suffered a horrible loss. I am here because you brought me here. I am the one that has the power to heal you, of the disease you have had all of your life. Need. The need to be liked loved and accepted. The need to be successful and looked up to. The need to please others at any cost. All that is over my friend. You may not like my methods, but they work. All talk and no action is meaningless. You have been saying that you don't care your entire adult life, but yet and still you run as soon as they call anytime of day or night. Vengeance is in the air.”
“Vengeance. What… or who rather am I, Avenging? If the is all destined to happen in order for me to live up to my true potential then the war is over ?”
“No Joy it has just begun. If you bothered to shut up for just a few moments at a time, you would be able to see how the individuals you call family and friends take advantage of your kindness and generosity. Has it ever occurred to you that if you weren't so busy paying off the debts of others you wouldn't have had to borrow the money from Jacob anyhow. Or did that small issue blow over your senses. I do believe you are lost in your own mind. Your defenses are down because you do not know how to defend yourself. Due in part because you don't know who to defend yourself from. I bet apart of you is thinking that I am the enemy. That I need to be dealt with, that possibly I am a figment of your imagination and that I in fact do not exist. Well look in the mirror touch the contours of your face. Tell me what you see.”
“ Please just go away. I don't need any help taking care of my home or personal affairs. All I need is for everyone to simply leave me be. All of you keep volunteering your two cents in regards to my conscious ability to think and make healthy rational decisions. Well what if this one time in my life I don't want to be careful. I don't care about the outcome.”
“Then I’d have to say that you are continuing to lie to yourself.” Which isn’t going to do either of us any good. Humor me for about two minutes.
Look at yourself. You need me. I am the one that can handle the harsh realities of this world.”
“You can't be serious.”

“Oh really why not? Don't you think its time you were held responsible for some of the drama you have caused over the years? I mean look at you. You have managed to start an enormous amount of shit, and here you are standing around weeping as if you are the victim. I find this whole act quite humorous. Being that I know you far more than I’d like to admit. You know now that I think about it, I can't seem to remember a time in your adult life that you took responsibility for you personal wrong doings. Sure you offer to take the heat for others often just so you will be sought as the good Samaritan. I mean really. When have you just you were held accountable for your own selfish deeds? Isn't what all these personal meetings in the bathroom about. Your personal counseling sessions. Tears of remorse and confession. Is this in fact a confession when we are the only ears that hear what we already know. Or are you suggesting that your frequent visits to the restroom are spent in counsel with God? Are you talking over your sins with Jesus himself?”

“I am not a shamed of who I am. You are merely a figment of my imagination. The evil side to my conscience. I know how to shun away from your advances. The good in me will prevail. I know who you are and why you have come. Only I won't let you take over my soul no matter how unfair I feel my world of circumstance to be. I do use this time to conference with God. Instead lately I am confronted by you, my ill thoughts of envy and hate. My insecurities about life and my ability to succeed. I used to think the my reflection in the mirror was a force to be reckoned with. I could be lost in translation, admiring the beautiful characteristics of my face. A face that at one time I hated and had to share. Now I won't use this hate I have for others that may be doing better than I to continue to hate myself. I even hated the good my siblings admired because I was responsible, people would start to depend on me. You think I signed up for this role. It was birthed unto me. I tried out for other roles but I landed this one. You don't like me because I don't do as others to get to where I need to go. I create my own venue and plan of action. So when are you going to get the picture that you are no longer needed?”

“When you show me independence. I see you glaring at me in passing. You purposely leave the door open to make sure you can peak and see that I have not left you. Your fear of abandonment has always left you vulnerable and susceptible to abuse. You are nothing but bait for those out for themselves, which is damn near every being on this earth. I think that if we could just be honest about your neediness things would go a lot smoother.”

“Really well maybe we can touch on that another time. I am going to have lunch with Sam.”

“Oh yea good luck with that. She is another main problem, Joy. When are you going to cut the cord already? What! I bet she is having issues with Charles. She wants you to mediate between the issues. Why with your psyche degree you are sure to have all the right answers. Why I bet you won't be able to get a word in edge wise with all the sniffling and harping on Sam. What about you? The two of you already have to share the damn face. No wonder Charles is confused. I mean the only difference between you and Sam is that Sam has the balls to say no. You on the other hand scurry like a cat from water, when faced with confrontation. That's why I'm here Joy. You can cry now. After all that's what you're best at. You cry while others get even.”

“SHUT UP!” Joy yelled. She threw her hands up grabbing two handfuls of her curly mane and began to pull furiously. Joy was desperately trying to shake Leliel from her being. Andras was present and with the good and bad their could only be evil. She was confused. The only way out seemed to be death. The pills were causing her psychotic breaks to become more frequent. In fact they were giving birth to more of her untamed personalities. Joy now physically fighting with her deranged mind was clawing at the skin on her face, yelling into her reflection in the mirror. Andras starred back at her shaking her head. Her arms were folded and she wore a smug grin on her bright red painted lips.
“You are a crazed individual.” Joy ignored her evil twins comments and appeared to be aroused by the warm blood flowing from her pores. She balled fist, squeezing her hands tightly to watch the blood ooze from the cracks of her fingers.
　
　
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